the body

 
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner

i want to surrender so bad. i practice a quiet surrender to myself. inside of me, a small enclosure
i barely acknowledge. 

my finger over the bed of my tongue, i press my teeth lightly over my skin. the inside of my mouth is warm. i keep thinking of it. my body is hot like an oven, 36.5 celcius. warm and damp. i close my eyes and place myself smugly inside of my organs.

i can hear and feel the movement. i can hear my blood gushing through my veins, running like horses of warfare, o like a flowing river. my hearts deep humming percussion above me. below me, my intestines churn, contracting and retracting.

 i can feel the low buzzing spasm, energy jumping through my relaxed muscles, through the knots in my back. my bones are clear, sculpted ivory. i listen to the low buzzing spasm, like lights in a quiet office. its warm, wet, red. im enclosed, this place has never seen the light of the sun. but small orbs of glowing yellow and blue light run and jump through, pass through walls. my body in itself is a womb, it houses me. 

i can see the light reflect off the strange glow that covers tissues. everything looks like the skin of an oyster. the glowing gold fat deposits, the reddish brown livers flesh, the reddish pinks of my kidneys. i can feel the lungs expand and disperse, i feel how tight it gets, i can see them plump up. i can hear air through the pipes, beauty is so palpable. i can feel it all. i am inside a warm star.