glory! : tears on tape

washer

Goodnight my love Remember me as you fall to sleep Fill your pockets with the dust and the memories That rises from the shoes on my feet I won't be back here Though we may meet again I know it's dark outside Don't be afraid Everytime I ever cried from fear Was just a mistake that I made Wash yourself in your tears And build your church On the strength of your faith Please Listen to me Don't let go Don't let this desperate moonlight leave me With your empty pillow Promise me the sun will rise again I too am tired now Embracing thoughts of tonight's dreamless sleep My head is empty My toes are warm I am safe from harm...

Saturday, December 2, 2023

tears on tape

got them! all three! already planning the next ones.

i want maybe a moth, a sign of mary.

im high as fuck on drugs.

haii hai :3 haii hai hai haii :3 :3 hai

i need a planner for the year of 2024 and maybe some clothes but only a couple new pieces.

my tattoo artist was very, very nice and it barely hurt. it turned out beautifully. i loved it. it wasnt very painful. i was worried sick for the sternum. it was less painful than the hip bone. go figure. wait

its been nice. im high as fuck on drugs. i hit a wax God knows how many times and nothing happened. maybe its because i mixed it with alcohol? i feel sleepy but only a bit. i usually do. im always at the verge of maybe a nap.

im very happy. if my parents found out i am done. but they wont. its not like they can check? maybe my mom but shes not invasive. not like that. it was a whole thing. were fine now. i hope it heals nice. im thinking what ill do in the future now that ive taken a plunge (?) and figured out that it really doesnt hurt like i thought it would.

kept hearing people say its more of a pressure type of pain than anything. i cant stand burning or pressing sensations. stinging is more like it, but its mild. when i was around seven i rested my hand on an ants nest and i got stung. it was horrible. it felt nothing like that. it was a fast, sharp, vibrating sensation that only bordered on pain. uncomfortable, very. but only if i focused.

it was fine, really nice. im at my friends house and ive hada good night. maybe.. it isnt.. over.. who knows,

i keep thinking about my family. my aunts, my still living grandma and my passed away grandma. very different people, from what i gather mostly. i keep forgetting details. i never asked my grandma enough questions. i feel like i shouldve. i know some bits of her life but not of herself. i dont know if i am projecting what i mean. i know some things shes done and some things she is but nothing about her tastes

i think thats the most important thing in the world. tastes. what we like and what we do with what we have. music, clothing, anything. everyone does those. i think its the purest projection of what really is within us. its not regulated by the most part. idk

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sylvia plath, the bell jar

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

Psalm 18: 6-11

In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. Smoke went up from His nostrils, And devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down With darkness under His feet. And He rode upon a cherub, and flew; He flew upon the wings of the wind. He made darkness His secret place; His canopy around Him was dark waters And thick clouds of the skies.