glory! : chestnuts roasting on an open fire...

washer

Goodnight my love Remember me as you fall to sleep Fill your pockets with the dust and the memories That rises from the shoes on my feet I won't be back here Though we may meet again I know it's dark outside Don't be afraid Everytime I ever cried from fear Was just a mistake that I made Wash yourself in your tears And build your church On the strength of your faith Please Listen to me Don't let go Don't let this desperate moonlight leave me With your empty pillow Promise me the sun will rise again I too am tired now Embracing thoughts of tonight's dreamless sleep My head is empty My toes are warm I am safe from harm...

Saturday, December 9, 2023

chestnuts roasting on an open fire...

chrismas season! feeling. nice.

i am SPENT over the tattoos. im thinking of what ill get next year. been thinking of maybe working part time so i can afford a couple more sessions to make the ones i have look less like a constellation and more like a supernova. just give more structure. as of now, i have two ornamented little circles. one with a chi rho and the other one with a heartagram. i have a st james cross right on my sternum, a small heartagram on my chest and im starting a lower back tramp stamp type. its my biggest one. its a cross with the fleurs de lis. very beautiful.

i think i will be getting some victorian or barroque ornament up the sides of my abdomen and under by chest. i think ill do the same for my lower back and then on the sides of my thighs. ill plan out my backpiece and sleeves later. hopefully one day ill get my chest and neck done. i want to get medieval looking themes. maybe swords for one of my favorite bands, agriculture. thats were the name of this blog came from.

the tattoo parlor where ive been going, where i got my septum and all of my tattoos, has to be an energy vortex. its such a calming, meditative place. its really gorgeous. its got such a peaceful aura. i cant describe it.

im going to a new therapist. its more spiritually inclined. my therapist, claudia, says shes from the star cluster pleiades. she says Jesus Christ is from there, and so am i. she said we met in a past life, where i was a monk and so was she. she said i mightve been a nun. it resonates with me. everything she said resonated with me except for the having kids part. she said id for sure have them when 1. im infertile and 2. i am not and have never been even mildly interested in having my own children. i would love to adopt.

ive had very intense spiritual experiences these past weeks. i cant really describe them fully but i have. my digestion is better. everything else.

i need to go to confession tomorrow.

its been really nice. i feel peaceful and generally healthier somehow. im not very worried about anything anymore. i think were going to go to watch a movie soon. me and my family.

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sylvia plath, the bell jar

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

Psalm 18: 6-11

In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. Smoke went up from His nostrils, And devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down With darkness under His feet. And He rode upon a cherub, and flew; He flew upon the wings of the wind. He made darkness His secret place; His canopy around Him was dark waters And thick clouds of the skies.