glory! : laura palmers theme

washer

Goodnight my love Remember me as you fall to sleep Fill your pockets with the dust and the memories That rises from the shoes on my feet I won't be back here Though we may meet again I know it's dark outside Don't be afraid Everytime I ever cried from fear Was just a mistake that I made Wash yourself in your tears And build your church On the strength of your faith Please Listen to me Don't let go Don't let this desperate moonlight leave me With your empty pillow Promise me the sun will rise again I too am tired now Embracing thoughts of tonight's dreamless sleep My head is empty My toes are warm I am safe from harm...

Friday, July 5, 2024

laura palmers theme

yesterday i went to the gyno and had a terrible experience- i would have rathered a slow death. the iud will be inserted at the end of the month, i thoughtlessly fought with my boyfriend then took him to get ice cream in some other town as an apology, we went to his home and we made up and then we saw friends. today i might do something stupid. my parents have not seen my tongue piercing. i think it turned a momth old yesterday. healed beautifully. i want an industrial and a garter belt tattoo next. and finish up my backpiece and sternum.

i am as of now beating my anxious rattling by dying my roots. just got my brows done. (stop reading now if you know me) will be getting a vch and hch in five days. for gender affirming reasons, quietly. hope they dont hurt too badly. microblading soon. i want to start botox.

i want to be free. i drink too much when i do drink. twice a week at most.

im so tired of thinking of perfect things and not writing them down. im so tired of having to fight my battles in silence, only ever grunting as the air is pushed out of my lungs by a dry, cold fist.

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sylvia plath, the bell jar

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

Psalm 18: 6-11

In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. Smoke went up from His nostrils, And devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down With darkness under His feet. And He rode upon a cherub, and flew; He flew upon the wings of the wind. He made darkness His secret place; His canopy around Him was dark waters And thick clouds of the skies.