glory! : screaming?

washer

Goodnight my love Remember me as you fall to sleep Fill your pockets with the dust and the memories That rises from the shoes on my feet I won't be back here Though we may meet again I know it's dark outside Don't be afraid Everytime I ever cried from fear Was just a mistake that I made Wash yourself in your tears And build your church On the strength of your faith Please Listen to me Don't let go Don't let this desperate moonlight leave me With your empty pillow Promise me the sun will rise again I too am tired now Embracing thoughts of tonight's dreamless sleep My head is empty My toes are warm I am safe from harm...

Thursday, August 21, 2025

screaming?

getting jestrum in one month

Jesus for whatever reason its been like a month and im so blue its crazy. my best friend alecs is here from guadalajara, happy! but ive been blue. its my parents birthday today. both, yeah. i have my boyfriend silk pillowcases and he loved them. its insane everyone is a leo or virgo. super crazy. ive been thinking of dropping everything and leaving to new orleans, becoming some sort of apprentice somewhere. maybe fixing writing machines or something similar. i regret not getting into a proper science or something, or something more humanities.

well. ive been ruminating too much about death and everyone dying, i myself have been feeling suicidal. im going to wear the prom dress i never wore to my birthday party. middle school prom mind you. as well as high school. ZAMN.

i dont know man like i dont know. im in a transition period. been saying this for two years. i started this blog at 19!! and i feel bad for not posting more. i promise ill post more stuff. ive been so lonely for most of my life. so, so much of my life its crazy. all quarantine which for me lasted about three years i had no one to talk to, it was crazy as hell.

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sylvia plath, the bell jar

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

Psalm 18: 6-11

In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. Smoke went up from His nostrils, And devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down With darkness under His feet. And He rode upon a cherub, and flew; He flew upon the wings of the wind. He made darkness His secret place; His canopy around Him was dark waters And thick clouds of the skies.