glory! : lunar events

washer

Goodnight my love Remember me as you fall to sleep Fill your pockets with the dust and the memories That rises from the shoes on my feet I won't be back here Though we may meet again I know it's dark outside Don't be afraid Everytime I ever cried from fear Was just a mistake that I made Wash yourself in your tears And build your church On the strength of your faith Please Listen to me Don't let go Don't let this desperate moonlight leave me With your empty pillow Promise me the sun will rise again I too am tired now Embracing thoughts of tonight's dreamless sleep My head is empty My toes are warm I am safe from harm...

Thursday, April 11, 2024

lunar events

i got my permanent beauty marks. i think ill get them enlarged soon. theyre only dots. i dont want them to be big but i dont want them to look like blackheads. got two, one under each eye. a millimeter under each eyelash line. those hurt.

i keep feeling a strange sense of dread. i missed the eclipse, it didnt show much where i lived. sadly. i do love lunar events. thinking of my next tattoos and dreading my month. wont spend a penny above what i need. but uni parking money charged per day.

this rage and overriding jealousy are so bad. i feel so bad. i feel so hurt. he left me here to go talk to some friend of his, i dont know much about her. i was so tense, my muscles was spasming and my heart was heavy into my belly. ive done and given so much to him. ive given so many parts of myself i cant get back if i wanted. hes my only hope. and i was sitting amidst my throbbing head and it was so low and so incredibly strong that my new guitar strings broke. i tried to read stories and watch soap operas but hearing their name. what are the chances.

God how am i going to live like this, how did you let me do this? i know its my own fault but how could you let me do this? i thought i would not suffer, i thought you gave me this safe haven to hide from my life. i thought you gave me something shiny to hold on to so i could reflect whatever light i could find and try to make out my path. why?

why?

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sylvia plath, the bell jar

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

Psalm 18: 6-11

In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. Smoke went up from His nostrils, And devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down With darkness under His feet. And He rode upon a cherub, and flew; He flew upon the wings of the wind. He made darkness His secret place; His canopy around Him was dark waters And thick clouds of the skies.