glory! : hai hallo :3

washer

Goodnight my love Remember me as you fall to sleep Fill your pockets with the dust and the memories That rises from the shoes on my feet I won't be back here Though we may meet again I know it's dark outside Don't be afraid Everytime I ever cried from fear Was just a mistake that I made Wash yourself in your tears And build your church On the strength of your faith Please Listen to me Don't let go Don't let this desperate moonlight leave me With your empty pillow Promise me the sun will rise again I too am tired now Embracing thoughts of tonight's dreamless sleep My head is empty My toes are warm I am safe from harm...

Wednesday, February 28, 2024

hai hallo :3

im doing what i can, i think its rough still. my digestion is better. i havent seen my friends but i did get my nails done super long for a lot of money and got a tattoo on my foot. im adding to it soon as well as one on my womb. im still delusional and schizo about feeling like maybe im pregnant and that my very painful period which lasted about three days (wtf ik) was implantation bleeding since the blood was sparce and dark. i know im paranoid and thats impossible. but i have ocd. im also a virgin. but i do have memory loss on traumatic events like anything remotely sexual gets deleted and abstracted as im living it and then even worse after.

i talk too much about myself on here but i dont talk about anything much outside. i feel lonely and isolated, kind of. life just doesnt feel exciting. the world is not really welcoming i think. i feel alien. navel is healing .. fine ..... its been a rough journey and if it ends up migrating or rejecting i will kill myself. nipple piercings healing fine. wish things could just be easier. i just wanna finish my studies man i hate my school and psychology is a pseudoscience at this point in time. i wish these hoes took the psych in psychology more seriously. it feels like the kind of thing people.

anyway im going to a death concert soon. i loved suffocation in november, i am not as into death metal as i am into black metal. my project is going well enough. the nails are staggering. i AM excited for the release of rumination! itll be a beautiful project.

i did not get all the way here just to get all the way here. ill be better. stopped eating meat for lent, thats about it. im praying everyday.

i wish for better things constantly. i want a spoonful of honey and good coffee and red wine, i want a hearty soup, i want a big traditional american tattoo. im gonna get the bathory logo very big on my calf, from my knee to my ankle. idk.

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sylvia plath, the bell jar

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

Psalm 18: 6-11

In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. Smoke went up from His nostrils, And devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down With darkness under His feet. And He rode upon a cherub, and flew; He flew upon the wings of the wind. He made darkness His secret place; His canopy around Him was dark waters And thick clouds of the skies.