glory! : quismoix

washer

Goodnight my love Remember me as you fall to sleep Fill your pockets with the dust and the memories That rises from the shoes on my feet I won't be back here Though we may meet again I know it's dark outside Don't be afraid Everytime I ever cried from fear Was just a mistake that I made Wash yourself in your tears And build your church On the strength of your faith Please Listen to me Don't let go Don't let this desperate moonlight leave me With your empty pillow Promise me the sun will rise again I too am tired now Embracing thoughts of tonight's dreamless sleep My head is empty My toes are warm I am safe from harm...

Wednesday, November 27, 2024

quismoix

everything is so complicated daughters grow and mothers shrink and i have three finals. and then its christmas break. i spent all day today rearraging my room and moving my things, fantasizing about things i wanna buy. a beautiful set of headboard and nightstands, desk, a table for my bed, i would love an amazon echo. i want a big house. for chrismas, i want to be peaceful as all hell. i want one thousand dollars and a pretty new bag. maybe new glasses. im thinking about my aunt diana and my surviving grandmother. im also thinking about christmas. my favorite holiday.

im spending a ton of time with my cat. i wake up to her curled up right beside me, with her little head on my chest and her paws reaching at me. i always pet her and kiss her and cuddle her. she always finds a way to get under the bedcover with me. shes the sweetest. i love playing with her and feeding her treats and carrying her like a baby to look into her big blue eyes. like huge shiny sapphires. i adore her, shes everything to me, shes my girl little and my baby and my everything. maybe im getting fang mods. permanent. just my canines.

im mentally totally checked out of school stuff. my finals will be over soon but i could not care less at all. in my mind my month of rest and relaxation has already started. its only 4pm and its already frosty blue outside but the weather is not too cold sadly. i wish i could wear fuzzy socks and stuff but its not the weather for it. but it is quite cozy. and it looks cold enough. im thinking of clothes and victorian/edwardian whatevers.

theres not much. im get upset then i forget. it is what it is.

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sylvia plath, the bell jar

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

Psalm 18: 6-11

In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. Smoke went up from His nostrils, And devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down With darkness under His feet. And He rode upon a cherub, and flew; He flew upon the wings of the wind. He made darkness His secret place; His canopy around Him was dark waters And thick clouds of the skies.