quismoix

 everything is so complicated daughters grow and mothers shrink and i have three finals. and then its christmas break. i spent all day today rearraging my room and moving my things, fantasizing about things i wanna buy. a beautiful set of headboard and nightstands, desk, a table for my bed, i would love an amazon echo. i want a big house. for chrismas, i want to be peaceful as all hell. i want one thousand dollars and a pretty new bag. maybe new glasses. im thinking about my aunt diana and my surviving grandmother. im also thinking about christmas. my favorite holiday.

im spending a ton of time with my cat. i wake up to her curled up right beside me, with her little head on my chest and her paws reaching at me. i always pet her and kiss her and cuddle her. she always finds a way to get under the bedcover with me. shes the sweetest. i love playing with her and feeding her treats and carrying her like a baby to look into her big blue eyes. like huge shiny sapphires. i adore her, shes everything to me, shes my girl little and my baby and my everything. maybe im getting fang mods. permanent. just my canines.

im mentally totally checked out of school stuff. my finals will be over soon but i could not care less at all. in my mind my month of rest and relaxation has already started. its only 4pm and its already frosty blue outside but the weather is not too cold sadly. i wish i could wear fuzzy socks and stuff but its not the weather for it. but it is quite cozy. and it looks cold enough. im thinking of clothes and victorian/edwardian whatevers.

theres not much. im get upset then i forget. it is what it is.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VILLE VALO

 HAPPY BDAY VILLE VALO

alien observer

 ive been in the same place for a year and its been such an awful decade for me. no peace and no single not a thing at all. no creature. no nothing.

been a year since a significant moment, or group of moments in my life. i want to come back home drunk and wake up fresh, i want my parents to love me. i want to feel loved. theres nothing but resentment in this house. maybe black mold in the carpet from all the years. the black mold is the ghost of all that was. im the ghost of all that could have been. were all ghosts of the things we miss or want to have around like charms. 

love ghost stories. love nosferatu and coppolas dracula movie. i wish something far more powerful than me was enchanted and infatuated by me. wish it would pluck me away. to be defined by something so much bigger than me. i wish i could fall into a thick, slapping love. a dense, bashing delirium.

i had to redo my new industrial piercing and i think ill have to do it again. i dont want to but i will. i dont know what else. my jestrum. i want a cigarette, semesters almost over and im doing just fine. im tired and battered and i wish i could redo my teenage years, do them differently. i think ill start doing pilates. i need to take something seriously before all of my youth leaves me and i dont have neuronal elasticity. i dont relate to people. i cant connect.

soon ill get a hint.

happy bday to my septum

:3

almost a year

 not even gonna mention the elections i wanna buy a gun. anyway.

its been almost a year since i started this blog and since a lot of stuffs. its been a tough year, but im happy about the blog.

yesterday i went to a neuroscience congress to see if i like it and i didnt. too shallow. too much ai talk. not going. im going to dedicate myself to either social or clinical psychology. most likely (i do mean 99% chance) jungian psychoanalysis. ive been doing nothing at all, im nervous about my future and the future in general and everything ever.  

i dont wanna be a psychologist.