finally got my ears pierced- a conch on my left, a daith and tragus on my right. which i very quickly found was not a good idea for a person who wears earphones. the daith and tragus were pierced wrong so i got them done again and the former got infected. already took care of it. my hair is coming into a bob after a year of tight buzzcuts, i stretched my ears to a 6g in one go which i realized is not ideal but theyre doing quite ok. last wednesday i got fillers on my front torso to make it look more full and got my chest done in a balconette/shelf bra type thing. cobwebs. i feel very happy with them. the experience was very nice, i love my artist and im always very happy to be there. the shop itself is beautiful and the people are charming. the first time i ever went there was almost a year ago and all i want is to work there or get it to be a part of my routine.
i wanted to watch the substance and i will since i do have access to mubi and its coming out on the 31st of octuber. yesterday i went to a halloween party and did violet chachki but nobody got it so i just said i went as the undertaker. i did dark makeup, 9 inch heelsm an 18 inch corset over a little black dress, with a long black wig, floral fishnets, a big black hat with flowers and a veil.
i have not had a meal in a while. my mom went away for vacation and my father stayed over. he have us the equivalent of 50 dollars to eat for the month. she says she wants to blow my inheritance on travel. she loves travel. she loves art and military history, european and mexican. im glad shes there. i would love to go to europe. i would love to see art again. this city has wounded me.
i dont think i would want top or bottom surgery anymore since the art and jewelry have made me acclimate in a way. not completely. some semi-drastic weight loss should take care of my chest, i could try to bind the rest into flatness but i would much rather see about the weight loss. the shape would still bother but not to a point that i couldnt live with. i would love nullification but the repercussions hormonally would probably end up making me live about 60 years less and would make me miserable. ive been thinking about plastic surgery but the jewelry has given me some sort of harshness and boldness that makes my body not comfortable but livable. i think ill keep adding rings and gems. im always feminine presenting. more than most people. life is theatre and im doing a drag number.
i felt good yesterday. i wouldve felt better if instead of nature i had prosthetics and my face was leaner and sharper, lower browbones and a slimmer structure. im fine as i am now. i feel okay now that im perfectly covered, at least where it matters. but i dont feel like people like me very much. im normal in real life, normal ish. i think im friendly. people think im scary.
