glory! : July 2025

washer

Goodnight my love Remember me as you fall to sleep Fill your pockets with the dust and the memories That rises from the shoes on my feet I won't be back here Though we may meet again I know it's dark outside Don't be afraid Everytime I ever cried from fear Was just a mistake that I made Wash yourself in your tears And build your church On the strength of your faith Please Listen to me Don't let go Don't let this desperate moonlight leave me With your empty pillow Promise me the sun will rise again I too am tired now Embracing thoughts of tonight's dreamless sleep My head is empty My toes are warm I am safe from harm...

Sunday, July 6, 2025

summerio

finally summer and im still painting and having so much fun with it, ive been trying out new things and styles and colors. im very proud of everything ive done so far, and i think im getting much better.

my parents are back from a trip to london and scotland. i wish i went there but i had a very nice and relaxing time at home. yesterday i had seven glasses of wine and started a painting im truly proud of. i booked an appointment for a piercing today. the horizontal line on a magic cross, for female anatomy obviously. i went there today and my piercer seemed to be really happy with it. i originally went in for a triangle but decided against it since apparently i didnt have the right anatomy for it. oh well. its my ninth genital, tenth if not accounting for the now deceased experimental christina. im so happy with it. the area looks very full and shiny. i dont have to look at skin and i dont have to see it as female anatomy. i can see it as shiny titanium. hopefully ill change everything to some more delicate rhinestones. im happy! and my leg tats are going amazing. im very happy with them. i finally feel more at home in my body, after so much troubleshooting.

and about feeling at home in my home. well. nothing but bad vibes. still, im trying to convince my parents to let me get some more antique furniture and paint my walls. ill see.

for now all my friends are out of town and im not going out and seeing anyone. im bored. and ill be bored for the time being. of course i could just paint but i want to talk to people. this several movie a day lifestyle is getting to me finally.

sylvia plath, the bell jar

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

Psalm 18: 6-11

In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. Smoke went up from His nostrils, And devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down With darkness under His feet. And He rode upon a cherub, and flew; He flew upon the wings of the wind. He made darkness His secret place; His canopy around Him was dark waters And thick clouds of the skies.