glory! : radioactivity

washer

Goodnight my love Remember me as you fall to sleep Fill your pockets with the dust and the memories That rises from the shoes on my feet I won't be back here Though we may meet again I know it's dark outside Don't be afraid Everytime I ever cried from fear Was just a mistake that I made Wash yourself in your tears And build your church On the strength of your faith Please Listen to me Don't let go Don't let this desperate moonlight leave me With your empty pillow Promise me the sun will rise again I too am tired now Embracing thoughts of tonight's dreamless sleep My head is empty My toes are warm I am safe from harm...

Friday, January 16, 2026

radioactivity

its been fine. ive been working on everything.

i was able to transcend a bit earlier this week. i did a meditation and ended up in a trance state. felt by hands melt into the universe and my forehead "open up" or something. i felt an energy pulse at my palms. im getting better at that, ive been feeling it more often during my spellwork. its been very fun.

how my life has changed. and for the better. i must not be afraid. ive been happier, a bit angry, but serene. joyful, tranquil. ive been more awake and present, more alive. the loop is over.

went for coffee with my friend and the guy im seeing. i love being with people.

melancholic. everything we built and the things we thought were permanent. i never thought it would happen, i guess it had to. im happier and more excited to live now than before.

i have been lightly considering a cord cutting but i want to perform some hexes first. a curse, even. honestly. i want to make it painful, i want it to last. i am the one who will give him the key to his 12h leo. im going to teach him some respect. thats been my motto. some people need me to teach them some respect.

i need money and clients. people are coming to me.

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sylvia plath, the bell jar

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

Psalm 18: 6-11

In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. Smoke went up from His nostrils, And devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down With darkness under His feet. And He rode upon a cherub, and flew; He flew upon the wings of the wind. He made darkness His secret place; His canopy around Him was dark waters And thick clouds of the skies.