glory! : November 2025

washer

Goodnight my love Remember me as you fall to sleep Fill your pockets with the dust and the memories That rises from the shoes on my feet I won't be back here Though we may meet again I know it's dark outside Don't be afraid Everytime I ever cried from fear Was just a mistake that I made Wash yourself in your tears And build your church On the strength of your faith Please Listen to me Don't let go Don't let this desperate moonlight leave me With your empty pillow Promise me the sun will rise again I too am tired now Embracing thoughts of tonight's dreamless sleep My head is empty My toes are warm I am safe from harm...

Tuesday, November 4, 2025

five of cups

recently accused of get this cheating on my boyfriend of three years on our anniversary with a random finance bro who said he kissed me before getting ultradrunk and having to be dragged out of the party.

obviously i didnt do that. i would rather eat denim than kiss a finance bro. id rather die than kiss anyone other than my boyfriend who is obviously not perfect but who i love. and who is using this as an opportunity to "forgive me" but also balance out the relationship. me driving and me not getting any more cute presents. whatever man im fine with that. im not fine with people thinking i'd ever do something like that, especially him.

my parents cut me off and i need a job. this is known.

its been a shit month. got my jestrum and my parents made me take it out. things are weird with my boyfriend. as in we broke up in the worst way and ive been kicked out of every group chat.

doesnt matter. i will work and join the force, ill make a life. maybe ill become a nun.

guess what. mamdani won new york. the star is still bright and ill be glad to be a cog for tomorrow.

my only real friend who stood by my side is still there but writing and also in pain. the groups i built are obviously burdened with their consequences. im sorry for them. i miss my boyfriend. pablo. im so hurt. but im a machine and i can keep it going. had a cigar with my parents, bottle of champagne, some scottish whiskey. what a dark night, dark nights. ill love him forever, i think. i hope he does too. i hope he keeps good things about me. i havent eaten in a few days, i know not a lot of people have.

i hope somehow i inspire him, or the sorrow, inspires him to keep singing and playing that guitar.

if you see this, my bug, you can still choose me.

my piercer passed away, a day before turning 26. what in the world. in august. horrible year to live.

horrible. i dont know what the future awaits and i dont know if i want to know but im going to work until i dont need to think about that. i will become a machine.

ill stop drinking much, ill stop smoking much, ill stop a lot of things.

sylvia plath, the bell jar

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

Psalm 18: 6-11

In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. Smoke went up from His nostrils, And devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down With darkness under His feet. And He rode upon a cherub, and flew; He flew upon the wings of the wind. He made darkness His secret place; His canopy around Him was dark waters And thick clouds of the skies.